Charmin®: Revisited

Jennifer L. Ferryman

Shshshhhhh….wait….hear that?!  No?  Why, it’s the sound of our country being flushed down the toilet!  Ah, ultimate privacy, closed doors and an aromatic spray that covers as well as the cheapest, off-brand Glade® scent (hmmm…Country Flower or Clean Linen??).  Something STINKS, folks!

Fortunately, in a matter of days we have the opportunity to CLEAN HOUSE! It’s time to get Nancy and her bunch of water closet cronies off the throne from which they manage our country.  Rahm “potty mouth” Emanuel recently stepped out of the stall in effort to become Chicago’s mayor.  Hot-water Harry Reid is being given a run for his “strict budget” money out in Nevada.  Let’s set this administration on auto-flush!!

Earlier this year, we were force-fed the “Come hell or high-water,” “cure-all” in the form of ObamaPelosiCare scheme.  Now the ‘stuff” is REALLY hittin’ the fan!  I don’t know about you, but I spent ALL 76 hours reading the latest thousand-pager bill. (I’m tellin’ you, people, it was better than the Twilight Saga.)  I’d like to know of ONE person who was able to read that bill in full before it was signed, sealed, kissed, petted, and affectionately referred to as, “George.” Anyone? ANYONE? I’d bet my kids Little People™ collection that not a single person is able to even fully comprehend the thing, even months post-press!

I haven’t seen a ray of sunshine suddenly blaze through the darkness and kiss all the medical problems, buh-bye.  This is what I saw: some shady, smelly deals.  “I’ll scratch your back, if you’ll scratch mine” kind-of rubbish.  We were force-fed bailout after bailout that was supposed remedy to the economy and save, better yet, CREATE jobs! We were granted a 14K gold-plated deal in the form of the firmest guarantee: the word of none other than the Chosen One: You got it!  Barack Hussein Obama!  (You know they say he can walk on water….) I’m thinkin’ he didn’t use 22 pens for this one.  Sorry Montblanc®.  Rather, I believe that these “documents” resemble the fresh, 2-ply squares of Quilted Northern®.   I’m pretty sure you could wipe the rear end of one of those cute, Charmin® bears with better results.  (Hmmm…Ultra soft or Ultra strong?) Bounty® paper towels will hold more water than what these promises will amount to.  And I don’t even think you’ll need those mega rolls.

Unbelievably, this administration is under the massive delusion that this is what the American people want.  There is more time spent making fun of Tea Parties than actually listening to what We the People are trying to say. So, here’s the deal.  The Dem’s know their time is limited.  So they’re gonna flush this sucker (aka. our beloved America) to kingdom come, all the while, hoping that even RotoRooter® can’t dredge all the crap out.  They just keep stuffing the pipes, all the while not realizing that, at some point, the thing’s gonna blow.  What will we have then?  A HOT MESS!  What do we have now?  Leaky pipes, closed doors, a TREMENDOUS sewage bill, and a reeking odor coming from Washington.

Courtesy: Charmin®

Time to pull the country out of the “loo!” Paying homage to the “porcelain god” is clearly not working for America.  How about giving credit where credit is due?  Without willingly and humbly acknowledging our need for the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, we will continue to watch our nation flood into the sewers.  Rather than searching the document that legitimized our country, the Constitution or, heaven forbid, the BIBLE, it seems like Barack Obama is getting his guidance off the scratched on markings in a public restroom stall!  There’s no common sense, no rationality, and certainly no humility.

Mr. President, light a candle.  It is, indeed, time for a change…

For Part One of this commentary, please see “Don’t Squeeze the Charmin®” at:

Jennifer L. Ferryman is a full-time observer of all matters political, inspirational, and international.  She is committed to truth, passionate about life, and devoted to family.  A fiery conservative, she aims to expose anything ridiculous with candor and wit, all while maintaining the authority of Christ.  For further commentary and satire, please visit her blog at

2 Responses to “Charmin®: Revisited”

  1. I am happy to see yor post this morning, Jennifer. Very well done. I look forward to future submissions and welcome you to Dakota Voice. God bless you and your lovely family.

  2. Clever stuff, Jennifer! You managed to get a host of scatological puns into this.

    “Mr. President, light a candle.” Hilarious!

    Welcome to the team!